The Real Book 6
by Michelle Kay
Summary: Basically, book six never happened…and this is its' replacement. Flames are expected and enjoyed.


Title: The Real Book 6

Author: Michelle Kay (with an assist by AndiRae)

Disclaimer: JKR SHOULD claim this. I mean… ugh to the real book 6…

Summary: Now, we all know that HBP sucked. I think that we should start referring to it as simply a very long fanfiction instead of the inspiration for all of _this_ fanfiction. Like, you know, there's this good fanfiction…It's called Harry Potter…there are seven different stories…just search J.K. Rowling… Basically, book six never happened…and this is its replacement. Flames are expected and enjoyed.

AN: I felt very ADD and decided to write this after a conversation with my friend Alex. It's really badly written but after HBP I don't really expect anyone to care. So bear with me at my attempt at humor.

(Please note: I will probably be deleting this soon. In a moment of insanity I wrote this…so…yeah…)

**A**fter a very long summer the trio was finally ready to go back to school. Hermione and Harry had been staying at The Burrow with Ron. Ginny was there too but, honestly, who cares?

Hermione and Ron entered King's Cross pulling their trunks along behind them. Harry had gone to Grimmauld place for a few hours before school to catch up with the order members. After weaving their way through the crowd they finally reached platforms nine and ten. Ron went first taking a few cautious steps and then running full speed through the wall. Hermione checked to make sure no one was watching and then did the same.

Looking around she caught sight of Ron's flaming red hair and once again squeezed through the crowd. The two handed off their trucks and boarded the train. A very odd sight caught their eyes. After a bad year they expected to see glum faces. Instead the train was full of Hogwarts students with unnaturally large smiles on their faces and songs of joy. Ron even thought he heard some fourth years singing "If you're Happy and You Know It". Hermione was very confused and looked around for Harry. She turned around to see him skipping towards them.

"What are you doing?" Hermione asked, still trying to figure out what was going on.

"Well, I'm skipping." Harry said, skipping around in a small circle.

"…" Hermione had to admit it was pretty obvious what he was doing. "Why?" She asked after a beat.

"Well, because I've defeated the Dark Lord, Voldemort!" Harry said pumping his fist into the air while maintaining his skipping (which was a feat in itself).

"What?" Ron asked. This was the first time he had spoken since they'd been on the train. Roughly fifteen minutes.

"How…We were with you all summer! Well, except those couple hours…" Hermione trailed off probably looking very confused.

"Well, I went to his house! I didn't tell you…I just went. There were death eaters and they came at me…but I've found I'm very good at alluding them." Harry said. He had stopped skipping but was still jumping up and down on the spot.

Hermione and Ron stared.

"Anyway, I saw him sleeping and decided to kill him. Lucius Malfoy was there. Apparently he broke out of Azkaban or something. Anyway, he ran too. Then Voldemort was just lying there and I killed him." Harry said. "Lucius came back and thanked me for killing the person who had him under imperious. He invited me for tea. So I went. I drank tea and ate cake." He finished.

"Wait…what?" Ron asked. I mean, who wouldn't be confused. "You…you ate cake. I had none… WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?" He yelled. Hermione stood dumbstruck at the explanation Harry just gave.

"You had cake…Ron had none. No cake for Ron?" Ron mumbled to himself. Just then Draco popped up behind them.

"Hello my good friend Harry. After that tea and cake we had together I'm sorry for all the years I've made fun of your mudblood friend." Draco smiled brightly.

Hermione scowled at Draco. Draco took the hint.

"Ah, yes, I mean plasmatomically challenged." He corrected.

After a long pause Ron spoke. "You had cake too? Draco got cake? I got no cake…" Ron repeated.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!" Hermione shouted. "HAS EVERYONE GONE MAD?" She yelled again.

"Well, Ron…I did bring this." Draco said pulling out a large chocolate cake out of nowhere.

"Where did you get that?" Hermione asked, starting to question her sanity.

"Out of my bum." Draco answered casually. Ron dug into the cake hungrily. "Where does anyone hide anything?" Draco asked.

"In a body cavity!" Harry offered. The two boys laughed loudly and started hopping around the hall.

A/N: Well, I can't remember the rest of the conversation. I know that this is really horrible and I probably won't do anything with it unless Alex remembers… So review if you like.


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